My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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