yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dignity is for republicans.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
