Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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