Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i believe in u and ur pee
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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