so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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