Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
