Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
