he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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