you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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