She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
