K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
