We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Two words: nipple clamps
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