I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
What a dumb baby whore.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
