Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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