your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
