I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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