Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
