with your own penis?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
