Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
