One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
