I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize