The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm always down for nudity.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
