Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
