Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
