My sheets look like a crime scene.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize