My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
