3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
