Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize