I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
