oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
