you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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