suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
