I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
