My room smells like vodka and shame
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
