Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
