A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize