i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
