it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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