why do cheetos always look like penises
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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