I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
