I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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