She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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