one two three fourrrrnication!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
