he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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