If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he thought i was a dude.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
