found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
