were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
