A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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