Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
