the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
