Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
