Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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