And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
