You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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