I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
