Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
