you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
