He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize