I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
