good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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