I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
