Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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