Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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