How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
