Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it glows. i had to have it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
