I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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