I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
whose ass print is on the piano?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
