Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
