I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize