I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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