i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
