I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize