oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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