Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
