lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
did you just send me my own nude
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
