All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
