Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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