you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
