Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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