I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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