I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
