i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
