How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
