there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
