got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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