I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
